Being a human isn't easy. Trying to go through the motions of life on your own is quite impossible. I'm rather glad that i've finally realised that. Life really is meaningless when you think that you are all sweet to do things with your own strength. Why? Because when you fail (and trust me, you will), you have nothing to fall into. For a long time, I thought that trusting Jesus was easy. It's not. It means that you have to die to yourself and your own expectations and desires and one-dimensional thinking. It means that you have to fall into Someone intangible, invisible and far beyond your own understanding. Sometimes, putting all your faith in God doesn't make sense. Sometimes it's a sacrifice, an inconvenience and simply not what you're expecting. It can be painful! But you know what? It's the crucifixion of your flesh. Through the painfulness and brutality of dying to yourself, you are cleaning up to live as Christ. Being a Christian isn't a job, it's actually a complete renovation of your entire spiritual being, really. I can't find the right words to explain everything that God has been revealing to me about this but there is a verse in the Word that says "to live is Christ but to die is gain." When you die to yourself, you have gained a new life in Christ and it is far better than what your could imagine. I'm honestly not done with this journey, infact I've only just taken the first steps. There is still a long way to go and so much to learn but this first step has been ridiculous so far.