Have you ever thought that you've been trying so hard to understand something but just give up, because you think you're never going to get it? I have found that this is quite the case when I want to seek Jesus deeper. The other week, I was pondering on the idea of wanting to grow closer to God, but feeling like I can't seem to get anything out of reading His Word or even speaking to Him - like it's just too hard. Most of the time when I read my bible, I feel like I can't 'get a revelation' or something out of it and at times I feel like God isn't responding. Interestingly enough, He ironically revealed this pretty cool response to my questions and confusion.
Sometimes, we think we are trying so so so hard to hear from God but we can't because deep inside, we are really not giving our everything. He showed me that it's gotta seriously take something out of our own flesh before we get to see what He wants to show us. What we think is sufficient enough is so small, compared to what God wants to show us. Those "yeah I'll read a chapter and after that, I think I'm all good" excuses are not painstakingly enough. It's a slap in the face but it's probably true. You simply cannot expect God to show you something if you are not prepared or equipped to understand what it is that He's got to reveal.
I don't surf much, but I know that if I want to catch a solid wave, I've gotta paddle hard. If I was only willing to surf the white wash and wade in the ankle deep water, I wouldn't be getting anywhere and I would eventually give up because I can't seem to get barrelled. In order to get a decent ride, I have to understand that it takes a lot more than just splashing around on the shore. This means that I would have to get deeper in the water and put in a good dose of upper body strength (which I seem to lack anyway). It's much harder than surfing white wash but it's where you can start doing all the fancy stuff and it's much more fulfilling. Likewise, we too have to put in our efforts if we seriously want to get deeper in our relationships with Jesus. It will be hard and it will feel like it's taking a lot out of you but man, it is good.